Adolescent Development Expert Talks with Students About Managing Stress

On Thursday, Oct. 7, St. Stephen’s welcomed back to campus via videoconference Lisa Damour, Ph.D., an internationally recognized expert in the fields of adolescent development and psychology. In her talk, “Back to School 2021: Making Sense of Anxiety and Stress,” Damour spoke with students in all grades about growing up during uncertain times and how to make sense of their feelings.
“Let’s talk about how people talk about mental health,” Damour said, kicking off her student talk. “There’s this idea that you are mentally healthy if you feel great. That sounds fantastic, but it’s not true. Wellness is not a place you can get to and stay. Mental health is about having the right feeling at the right time.
“For the last year and a half, people have felt sad, lonely, upset and angry; and that’s appropriate” she added. “When our emotions reflect our surroundings, it helps us navigate our lives. It is OK to feel distress in stressful times. But it’s important to manage our emotions effectively.”

Damour explained to students that life is filled with change, and change causes stress — even good change. “You cannot avoid stress,” she said. “It actually has its benefits. When adapting to things that are new, it means you’re growing.”

To help students understand the concept, Damour used the example of lifting weights. She explained that if you want to grow your muscles, become stronger, then you use a little more weight than what you are used to lifting. “It may cause you some discomfort, but it allows you to gain strength,” she said, adding that this idea applies to all aspects of our lives.

“School is supposed to be stressful because you go to school to grow,” she said. “Stress is OK as long as it isn’t linked to trauma and it isn’t chronic — when there’s no break or rest between times of stress. As long as people have downtime or time off, restorative intervals, they can recover from stress.”

After explaining the importance of taking breaks from stressful activities, she spoke with students about ways to manage their anxiety. Damour explained that anxiety is an important, ancient response in people that triggers the fight, flight or freeze response. “Anxiety only becomes unhealthy when someone is anxious for no reason or when our internal alarm is too loud and overwhelming,” she explained. “Anxiety is unhealthy when it doesn’t motivate you but, instead, paralyzes you.”
 
Damour concluded her student talk by explaining the differences between healthy and unhealthy conflict responses. She offered a number of helpful strategies for dealing with personal conflicts, as well as how to effectively resolve disagreements with others. “Be direct and respectful,” she advised. “But if there’s no strategic advantage to responding, then use emotional Aikido — step out of the way.”
 
The Brooke Howe Laws Endowment speaker, Damour spoke with St. Stephen’s parents later on Oct. 7 about how to support adolescents through difficult times. Prior to the start of the school year, she gave a presentation to the faculty about understanding emotion, finding equilibrium and caring for students when they are stressed. She shared with both groups important strategies to help kids appropriately express and manage anxiety.